Tuesday, October 7, 2008

My Mommy Heart

My mommy heart is a little heavy tonight because my son is sick. No he doesn't have anything life threatening, it doesn't seem to be major. None the less I am sad because he is not himself. If you know me at all you know that I don't tend to be a tenderhearted pushover, however when they are sick at all I want to fix them. I want them to be back to their normal little selves.

Today part of me wanted to hold back from cuddling and fussing, I felt that in someways Gideyon brought this on himself. He refused to eat lunch today (leftovers;) and all he had for breakfast was a bowl of cereal. So when he complained of a headache this afternoon I brushed it off as him needing to eat. Then his well meaning father was rough housing on the bed with him and knocked his head. So his headache got worse and we decided to try and feed him. While in the midst of that he went ahead and threw up. So now I am wondering does he have a concussion, is his blood sugar so low he puked? I am starting to worry so I call the best nurse I know-my mom:)She advises crackers and a close eye and sure enough he seems to perk up.

Later tonight he started to droop again, and I thought he may have been running a fever. So I give in to my maternal instincts and babied my baby. And as I did it, I couldn't help but think: how often does God hold me and say "I love you, I want to make this better". I know though that often I am like Gideyon and it is my own stubbornness or maybe even what I consider helpfulness that has hindered my "recovery".

Regardless I am glad God isn't like me and doesn't hold me at arms length at times saying"You brought this on yourself!" So tonight I will mimic my heavenly father and hold my baby and wish I could take away his suffering


Clare said...

You made me cry-that's not nice. Thanks for reminding me that even though I may have "brought this on myself" the Lord still wants to love on me. I think I'll let Him.

Rachel said...

I can totally relate Robyn. Today Autumn has a simple cold, but then she bumped her head playing with Cayla and has a goose egg. I too just wanted to hold her and make it go away.
I think we should try to cherish those moments to just love on them because they won't last forever. Take every chance you can to make him feel better. A hug and a kiss never made anybody worse :)

Keck said...

Hey Robyn,
Tell Gideyon I hope he feels better! I really miss him! I feel sad that he is sick!
Love, Keck

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